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In one of those world-shattering milestone Happenings, Gerard Hoffnung
recited "The Bricklayer" to The Oxford Union Society on 4th Dec 1958
[thanx John Price]
The text was by Pat Cooksey & probably titled The Sick Note. It comes to
us sung as The Sick Letter, The Barrel Song, The Sick Note, Why Paddy's
Not at Work Today, Why Yassir's Not at Work Today, The Excuse Note. (I
think it may enter the rolls as one of the most-titled songs out there
having only one version. Well, not always the same verses but really only
one version.)
Completely without his permission, I quote Sam Hinton's historic comments:
By the time Gerard Hoffnung read his incomparably funny "sick letter",
the story was well-established as a sort of urban legend. It was
generally cited as an actual letter that had been received by some
government agency, and I remember reading it somewhere around 1937. In
1940 appeared in READER'S DIGEST as an actual letter supposed to have been
received by a naval officer from an enlisted man who was explaining why he
had overstayed his leave;. this story had the victim working on a silo on
his parents' farm. Some of the versions have the victim asking for
compensation for 6 accidents -- 1. Striking the barrel as it descended and
the bricklayer ascended; 2. Hitting the pulley wheel; 3. Hitting the
barrel again on the way down; 4. Falling onto the broken bricks; 5. Hit
by bricks falling from the barrel when its bottom burst against the pulley
wheel; and 6. Hit by the free-falling barrel.
In any event, the story itself originated with neither Gerard Hoffnung
nor Pat Cooksey, but both deserve a tremendous amount of credit for
putting it into succinct form. The Cooksey version, by the way, is sung to
a traditional Irish tune, "In the Garden Where the Praties Grow".
Hoffnung's delivery, pretending that this was a letter received by the
national health service, is a magnificent example of perfect timing, and
I practically roll on the floor every time I play my tape of it.
In my own concerts, the Cooksey version is one of my most-requested
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© Abby Sale - all rights reserved
[This was followed-up with -- ]
Just today I stumbled across this version. I know I have seen other
versions years ago. It is still alive an well and mutating as a joke
on the internet.
__________________
Subject: And you thought you were having a bad day
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This one needs an intro, so you won't be lost at the beginning. This
man was in an accident (work accident, not car accident), so he filled
out an insurance claim. The insurance company contacted him and asked
for more information. This was his response:
"I am writing in response to your request for additional information
for block number 3 of the accident reporting form. I put 'poor
planning' as the cause of my accident. You said in your letter that I
should explain more fully and I trust the following detail will be
sufficient.
I am an amateur radio operator and on the day of the accident, I was
working alone on the top section of my new 80-foot tower. When I had
completed my work, I discovered that I had, over the course of several
trips up the tower, brought up about 300 pounds of tools and spare
hardware. Rather than carry the now un-needed tools and material down
by hand, I decided to lower the items down in a small barrel by using
a pulley, which was fortunately attached to the gin pole at the top of
the tower.
Securing the rope at ground level, I went to the top of the tower and
loaded the tools and material into the barrel. Then I went back to the
ground and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow
descent of the 300 pounds of tools. You will note in block number 11
of the accident reporting form that I weigh only 155 pounds. Due to my
surprise of being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my
presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I
proceeded at a rather rapid rate of speed up the side of the tower. In
the vicinity of the 40 foot level, I met the barrel
coming down. This explains my fractured skull and broken collarbone.
Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until
the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley.
Fortunately, by this time, I had regained my presence of mind and was
able to hold onto the rope in spite of my pain. At approximately the
same time, however, the barrel of tools hit the ground and the bottom
fell out of the barrel. Devoid of the weight of the tools, the barrel
now weighed approximately 20 pounds. I refer you again to my weight in
block number 11.
As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the
tower. In the vicinity of the 40 foot level, I met the barrel coming
up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles and the lacerations of
my legs and lower body. The encounter with the barrel slowed me
enough to lessen my injuries when I fell onto the pile of tools and,
fortunately, only three vertebrae were cracked.
I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay there on the tools, in
pain, unable to stand and watching the empty barrel 80 feet above me,
I again lost my presence of mind. I let go of the rope..."
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Found at
http://shrike.depaul.edu/~mdorfman/jokes/jokes.txt
There are many more.
E. Lyons
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